and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
birth control should be required to get into college
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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