my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
