so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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