dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
