If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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