just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
