Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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