They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
