Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
