Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize