i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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