Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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