When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
