Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
