Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
