I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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