yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
