Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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