I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
