I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
