hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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