I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize