I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
