there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm just crazy horny about you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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