Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
