There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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