just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
