I wish I could teleport
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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