mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
