He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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