I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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