So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
