How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
