I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
