the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
