it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
