508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
