elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
