In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
