I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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