I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
