if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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