Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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