She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
