I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
