I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize