i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
