i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
