She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
