Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
