She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
