Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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