i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
