weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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