You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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