Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
