i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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