I can tuck mytits in my pants
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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