I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
