Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
