can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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