I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
