How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
