He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize