I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
