Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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