I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
