We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
