We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
