Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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