Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
farters have to be the big spoon...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize