Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
one two three fourrrrnication!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize