Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Farmville is her only friend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Send help, water and tortillas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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