Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
